Kirtley's Rules of Wisdom

(Bruce, Mr. Kirtley, and me at a wedding last May)

Last Sunday, I went to a retirement party for my high school English teacher, Mr. Kirtley. He was without a doubt one of my all time favorite grade school teachers and I pity all future generations of English students who won't get to have him as a teacher. The party was filled with his friends, co-workers and former students, and it was great to see a bunch of people that I haven't seen in about five years!

As a parting gift to all of his guests, Mr. Kirtley gave us all a small sample of "Kirtley's 66 Rules for a Good Life." I would like to share them with you now...

1. Read some non-fiction. Several biographies or autobiographies a year will be good for you.

2. Read to your children from the minute they come home from the hospital.

3. Have adult conversations with your parents, grandparents, aunts, and uncles NOW. Let them talk about their own lives and upbringing. You will value the content of these conversations your whole life. Don't put it off.

4. Don't forget Mother's Day.

5. Undertake volunteer work for which you have a passion.

6. Write notes: thank you notes, notes of congratulations, notes of sympathy, etc. Boys, this is not a sissy thing to do. The "big boys" (CEOs, college and university presidents, school administrators, physicians, lawyers, and heads of firms and many more men) do it all the time.

7. Learn to use objective case pronouns correctly. If the pronoun functions as a direct object, indirect object, or object of the preposition, you need to use an objective case pronoun: me, us, him, her, it, them.

Example...

Wrong: Dad handed the keys to Delores and I.

Right: Dad handed the keys to Delores and me. (object of preposition)

8. Memorize at least five inspirational lines. These may be Bible verses, lines of poetry, or some expression that someone has said that made a particular impression on you. You never know when you might be a POW, a hostage, or simply sitting in an emergency room or an intensive care waiting area and need to draw upon these for emotional sustenance.

9. When phoning someone other than people you talk to on a regular or almost daily basis, identify yourself by both first and last name. Don't assume that the person with whom you are talking will automatically recognize your voice. Believe it or not, you're not the only Adam, Chris, or Kristen in the world and chances are the person on the other end of the phone isn't psychic.

10. DO NOT capitalize the names of the seasons unless it's the first word in a sentence. Many people including the intelligentsia make this mistake.

11. Be compassionate. Let "There, but for the grace of God go I" ring in your ears.

12. Make an effort to get to know people unlike yourself or people with whom you think you have nothing in common.

13. Remember: One day a peacock, the next a feather duster.