Feeling Flush

There are very few things that I really like about my body. Fortunately, there are even fewer things that I really hate... mostly I'm just ambivalent.

I hate Braden. He's my stomach parasite. Jason named him about four years ago. Well, he's not really a parasite (at least I hope not) he's just just a good excuse to make me feel better about my stomach hating me and making me feel nauseous every once and a while for no known reasons. Love him!

I hate my ears. Not the outside part, I'm ok with that. I hate their insides, the part that aches real bad when it's cold and windy, the part that kills whenever I lie down on my side for large amounts of time, the part that feels all clogged and uncomfortable whenever I run.

And I hate my joints for constantly making me feel like I'm about 105 years old.

But, more than my joints, my ears, and even more than Braden, I hate my propensity to blush.

I do it all the time. Even worse, I often can't exactly figure out why. I blush when I'm embarrassed or see an attractive guy or am put on the spot like any other normal person. But, I blush other more awkwardly normal times, too.

I can blush when I'm talking to someone I've known for years about something as mundane as socks. I blush when I'm talking to the girls in my ballet class about college (and not because I'm talking about all of my many scandalous exploits... not like I have any). I blush when I talk about my future.

I actually really enjoy public speaking, although I'm sure many of you (all 5 of you) would be surprised to know that. But I am often attacked with a burst of red when I'm doing that too.

And I'm not just talking about face getting red blushing here. When I blush my core temperature rises about 10 degrees higher and my palms and pits start to feel dewy (sorry... thats probs TMI) and I can feel the redness spread across my face. Which, of course, just makes it worse, because then I do get embarrassed about how it looks like I'm getting embarrassed and it just perpetuates the vicious cycle. GAH!

I guess it's just another piece of my silly dysfunctional body that I'll have to learn to accept...

maybe I'll name my flushed state Rose.